Stageplay
CAST:
SIR CALDER: male, any age, any race—a knight in pursuit of justice
KING ROTHRICK: male, 40s and older, any race—the king of this land
SIR LERRISH: male, any age, any race—another knight in pursuit of justice
WARLOCK: female, any age, any race—a warlock in pursuit of justice.
ASTRONAUT: female, any age, any race—an astronaut in pursuit of justice.
* * *
A KING sits regally upon his throne. A jeweled crown rests upon his head and he toys with his scepter. He appears to be waiting for something.
SIR CALDER, a knight, bursts into the throne room with his sword drawn. He points his sword directly at the king, who stays seated.
SIR CALDER: King Rothrick!
KING ROTHRICK: Sir Calder. So. You and your ragtag bunch have made it this far after all.
SIR CALDER: Rothrick, who I can barely stomach to call “king,” your reign of terror ends here. Long have I waited to see you draw your last breath, and my soul will be at peace knowing that your destruction comes at my hands. Your armies are defeated, your defenses torn to shreds, and your guards slaughtered like sheep. And now it is time for you to join your foul minions in death.
KING ROTHRICK slowly stands, with great dignity.
KING ROTHRICK: I will go to my demise with the composure and dignity of a ruler. Your brute force wins this day, but the goodness of my kingdom will live on. Know that eventually, someday, justice will be served.
Beat.
SIR CALDER: No, justice is being served today.
KING ROTHRICK: I had prayed that when I regained the throne my grandfather lost, that the bloodshed would end, but today is not that happy day. Do your cruel business, but know that there are many more who will carry on my noble legacy.
SIR CALDER: No, no, you’re not understanding—I am the one serving justice here. My father died at your soldiers’ hands and I am here to avenge him.
KING ROTHRICK: Lord Barnard? His death was necessary after the cruel murder of my Aunt Giselda on his orders. Such injustice could not be allowed to stand.
SIR CALDER: No, I—no, you don’t get to use the word “justice.” That is my word here!
KING ROTHRICK: You are about to kill me. I will not allow you to insult my legacy in the same breath.
SIR CALDER: No, no, it’s important that this is clear, you are the bad guy here.
KING ROTHRICK: Me? You are the besieging barbarian. I am the noble and benevolent king who serves by divine right.
SIR CALDER: Oh don’t even try that. Everyone knows that the divine right to rule was set down by the gods to my great-grandfather Urlock—
KING ROTHRICK: Urlock the Merciless.
SIR CALDER: Urlock the Misunderstood! And when he was murdered by your great-great-grandfather, the kingdom fell into disarray! The land cries out for its true ruler to return!
KING ROTHRICK: Ah, but you forget that Urlock stole the throne—
SIR CALDER: Borrowed.
KING ROTHRICK: —stole the throne from my great-great-grandfather Illum. So truly, my return to the throne was written in the stars, and my blood shall live on in my heirs, who will one day return to this noble seat.
SIR CALDER: You are entirely misunderstanding your role in this encounter.
A second knight, SIR LERRISH, bursts in from another doorway.
SIR LERRISH: King Rothrick! Your vile lineage has oppressed my family and kept us from glory for too long! Prepare to be brought to justice!
SIR CALDER: It’s okay, he’s already being brought to justice, by me.
SIR LERRISH: I have sworn a vow upon the body of my departed uncle that Rothrick will die on my blade. Stand back or your body shall be added to the toll.
KING ROTHRICK: It’s Sir Lerrish? Your uncle was Duke Garreth? You know about the tax scam he was running by abusing his serfs, right?
SIR LERRISH: Hey, hey! My uncle had his faults, but this is a clear-cut vengeance case here, alright?
KING ROTHRICK: My coffers were what paid for the rehabilitation of his victims!
SIR CALDER: See, my pursuit of justice is far more noble, so I get to kill him. Also, I got here first.
SIR LERRISH: Why should that have anything to do with it?!?
SIR CALDER: I’m just saying, I clearly want it more.
A WARLOCK bursts into the throne room, sweeping her robe and waving her staff.
WARLOCK: Foul King Rothrick, this day shall live on in song and poem as the day that the warlocks reclaimed the throne!
SIR LERRISH: Hey, can’t you see we’re busy here!
SIR CALDER: How did you get in here? Did you just follow my trail of destruction and try to claim it as your own?
WARLOCK: I am not to be blamed if my dark powers lead me to the easiest method of entry. Now stand back, mundane warriors, for my kin have long been cast aside by this cruel ruler and it is time for me to dispense justice.
SIR CALDER: That! Is my! Word! None of you get to bring justice into this. I’m avenging a lot of family members, so you can all just back off!
KING ROTHRICK: I still say that justice will be coming later, when my son ascends to the throne.
SIR CALDER: Oh shut up, there’s no way you’re getting out of this alive.
KING ROTHRICK: Exactly why I see no reason to be silenced.
The whooshing noise of a sci-fi portal offstage. An ASTRONAUT in a space suit bursts into the throne room.
KING ROTHRICK: If I knew it was going to get this crowded, I would have waited for my downfall in one of the ballrooms.
The astronaut dramatically points at SIR CALDER.
ASTRONAUT: Sir Calder!
SIR CALDER: Wait, me?
ASTRONAUT: I have come from the future to prevent the untold horrors that will be carried out by you and your descendants. Their troops and interstellar armies cannot be stopped in my time, so I am forced to seek justice in the past.
(She pulls out a blaster.)
Prepare to die.
SIR CALDER: … I have no idea what is even going on there. But you do not get to kill me and call it justice. I kill him and call it justice. … And maybe I kill you three for even more justice—I haven’t decided yet.
SIR LERRISH turns to point his sword at SIR CALDER. The WARLOCK alternates between pointing her staff at the KING, both knights, and the ASTRONAUT.
KING ROTHRICK: If I may make a suggestion?
SIR CALDER, SIR LERRISH, WARLOCK AND ASTRONAUT: (in unison) No.
KING ROTHRICK: Well I’m the king so I’m going to do it anyway. It sounds like we have a lot of conflicting opinions on what justice is going on here, a lot of people and groups who think that they are in the right. Perhaps one of us truly is, perhaps none of us are, but we have passed the point when any sort of decision may be reached. So I propose … we walk away.
SIR LERRISH: What? What trickery is this?
KING ROTHRICK: I agree to stop being king, we all agree to forget about our dead relatives, and we all go live our lives to the best of our abilities. I suggest that the true path to justice is to let the bloodshed end here, right now.
KING ROTHRICK removes his crown and tosses it to the ground.
KING ROTHRICK: My fellows, my kinsmen, my …
(to the ASTRONAUT)
whatever you are. I throw down my crown before you all. Throw down your weapons and let us live in peace.
Beat.
All four point their weapons directly at ROTHRICK.
KING ROTHRICK: … As you wish. I thought it was a good last idea, before the fire bombs beneath the castle are detonated by my general and kill us all. The bomb will detonate moments after the first raven’s crow of evening.
Beat.
All five listen carefully.
In the distance, a raven crows.
SIR CALDER, SIR LERRISH, the WARLOCK, and the ASTRONAUT all panic and run out of the throne room. The whooshing portal noise sounds again when the ASTRONAUT runs offstage.
Beat.
ROTHRICK looks around at the empty room. He picks his crown back up and puts it on his head at a jaunty angle.
KING ROTHRICK: I can’t believe that worked.
He sprawls back onto his throne, chuckling at his victory.
BLACKOUT.
END OF PLAY.
Alanna McFall is a novelist and playwright based in Oakland, California. Her paranormal road-trip novel, The Traveling Triple-C Incorporeal Circus, was published by Atthis Arts in 2019. She was a company Resident Playwright with PlayGround SF for two seasons and has been featured in Best of PlayGround 22, 23, and 26. The Most Just was originally written for the Monday Night PlayGround program in 2018. Follow her work at alannamcfall.com.