by Erica Eng
Film
Some say that a sign of addiction is repeating behavior that you’ve identified as harmful to your well-being. Albert Einstein was given credit for declaring that the definition of insanity is to do the same thing over and over while expecting different results. So am I addicted to you? Or have you driven me insane?
I’ve given up seeking solace from those closest to me in regards to you. I’ve buried the fantasy that you and I will ever have a typical relationship. Perhaps it’s why I’m perpetually plagued with mourning.
Like any vice, I seek you to heal my hurt. Far too often, I ask myself if it would just be easier for my heart’s sake to simply accept the fate of you and I together: a chronically toxic and potentially poisonous fate; a fate that leaves me broken and dependent, my mother terrified, and you … deliriously angry.
I ask myself if this is what I thought my life would turn out to be when I was a little boy dreaming of my one true love. I know that I love you, but I don’t know that I want to need you. You are a sporadic relief that when consumed too much of becomes disorienting and frightening. I have begun imagining a different life, a life where I didn’t wake up each morning having cried myself to sleep.
I don’t blame you for the way this love has unfolded, it takes two to tangle, but we will never be Romeo and Juliet. We aren’t a Jack and Rose. We’re Amy and Blake, Bonnie and Clyde. And if I keep riding with you, I think that I might die.
– Poison by Horace Gold
Artist’s Statement
This project came about because I found Horace Gold’s music online and was impressed by his incredible style. When I reached out to him about collaborating, Horace told me that he wanted to create a visual prelude to his album Poison and read the poem aloud during our meeting. Immediately, I was inspired with visuals to shoot and raced home to create a treatment outlining what would now become the film.
The film Poison is about a heartbroken man who retreats within his own home, where the objects around him slowly drive him insane. Horace wrote this poem using the theme of love to personify his real-life struggles with addiction. The writing comes from a very deep place, but I wanted to strike a tonal balance with the visuals so it didn’t feel too dark or melodramatic. Instead, I wanted the film to still feel romantic while conveying a sense of loneliness and isolation due to a “lost love.”
Inspired by Maya Deren’s Meshes of the Afternoon, I wanted to explore repetition to underscore the feeling of continually returning to the same person or vice that is toxic for you. I also utilized elements like shadows to convey the light and darkness of his emotions, swirling liquid to allude to a mysterious presence that we cannot see, and flowers as a callback to Romeo and Juliet, which he mentions in the poem.
Also, around that time, I saw a film called Nightingale featuring David Oyelowo. Set in the 1950s, it’s about a man who obsesses over having his old Army buddy over for dinner. Oyelowo’s character is also a recluse in the film, and it became a big influence when creating visuals for Poison because both films deal with similar themes of obsession, addiction, and heartbreak. The mirror shot that opens the film was an homage to a moment in Nightingale where Oyelowo sat in front of a partitioned vanity mirror to show his disjointed personality, and I wanted Horace’s character to feel the same—slightly insane.
This film was truly meant to be experimental. I wanted us to play with the character and the space, keeping in mind that each shot must convey repetition, isolation, and loneliness. To get us started, I bought a bunch of props and planned a few setups that I knew I wanted to capture with my amazing cinematographer, Alex Pollini. The ice cubes swirling in the glass, the feet walking along a patch of light on the carpet, and the jump cuts of Horace around the room were all planned scenarios. The rest, for the most part, was improvised based on what inspired us on the day.
Alex and I both agreed that shooting on film would add an extra layer to the world we were creating. However, film is quite expensive, and we weren’t sure if it would work. So we actually shot each setup twice: once on his Sony FS7 and once with an 8mm camera—ultimately creating two different versions of the same film.
This film is probably one of my favorite collaborations to date. Horace truly is a great writer and artist. All I did was turn his words into images.
– Erica Eng, director, Poison
Erica Eng is a fifth-generation Chinese American director based out of Los Angeles. She wrote and directed Americanized inspired by her experiences growing up in Oakland and playing high school basketball. The film earned a Vimeo Staff Pick and garnered 26 awards at festivals, including Bentonville Film Festival, Palm Springs International ShortFest, and Cinequest, where it became Oscar-qualified after winning Best Narrative Short.
Erica’s festival run continued with Off Fairfax, a comedic thriller that premiered at Tribeca Film Festival and won an Honorable Mention at Slamdance. Erica’s latest film The Ghost (produced by Disney’s Launchpad alongside executives from Marvel Studios and Lucasfilm) is a coming-of-age drama/horror that’s currently streaming on Disney+.
Erica’s start in music videos led to her path in commercials, with work featured in Shots and Muse by Clio, and recognized as AdAge’s “Editor’s Pick” and “Pick of the Week.” Selected for SHOOT Magazine’s New Directors Showcase and the Commercial Directors Diversity Program (CDDP), Erica has since worked with BBDO, Google, Bank of America, and Meta.
Erica won the Academy Gold Fellowship for Women in 2024 and is developing her debut narrative feature with support from The Academy of Motion Pictures and Chanel. Additionally, as a fellow of the Disney Entertainment Television Directing Program, Erica directed an episode of a multi-camera drama for ABC.
Erica’s work often explores themes of personal growth and resilience, with a visual style influenced by her combined background in cinematography and dance. Inspired by her Oakland roots, Erica is an emotional storyteller who creates compelling characters that are reflective of the diverse community in which she grew up.